STEP 4 ESCAPING THE STRANGE GOD

“Every man has a right to his own opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his path”
Bernard Baruch

O my reflection, many of those false images arise from encounter between the impressionable imagination of children and the too much use of reason of adults. To possess a wrong idea or believing in a strange God is something that we cannot blame to other people who feel in to the trap. Maybe many of our people who don't believe in God had its reasons and experiences to support their claim. In addition many of our people believe in strange God due to their own cultural conditioning and unique personal approach to the Super power of God.
Before the coming of the Spanish Missionaries in our Archipelago, we Filipinos, already have our own indigenous religious practices and beliefs. We had our own idea of “Someone” governing us, which, the native people called them, “Magbabaya”, “Bathala”, “Poong Maykapal” or whatever they may call them, they are all the same “Someone” who is responsible for our existence. However, it is not what our Christian faith taught us, because God whom the indigenous people considered as “Someone” very far from them but for us Christians, God became one of us. “Though he was in the form of God he did not regard equality with God, something to be grasp at. Rather he emptied Himself, taking the form of the slave, coming in the human likeness and found human appearance, he humbled himself becoming obedient to death, even death on the cross.” (Phil. 2:6-8).
I have met someone who does not believe in any God. He considered himself as an atheist. At first, I felt numb upon knowing his stand, though he did not elaborated well, only that he admired me for being in the religious life. Until we became friend, but the hesitancy seems to engulfed me, the fact, which made me preoccupied about asking many questions, since that was the first time I have meet someone who do not believe in God. After many occasions being with him, I astonishingly find him very friendly, generous and more refined-person than myself. It was a feeling of guilt that dwells on me. Though, I possess Christian faith but not put it into practice. Not like him, even without faith but his actions speak louder than the faith that I have possessed. That was one of the memorable events happened in my life, wherein I experience Gods presence in a unique way. Its like I encountered mirror that I am able to see myself more clearly on how I practiced my faith. In spite of my friend's claim that he was an atheist, a person who don't believe in any God but for me, he is a living instrument of God who came to my life unexpectedly that created a ripples of my own faith. Of course I pray for him that later in his life he may encounter God's love and embrace religion.
I also remember another occasion in my life, during my elementary years, when I came to a point of asking myself a question. “Mahadlok ko sa Ginoo, dili?” when I answered it “dili” the other part of myself said “wala diay ko'y respeto sa Iya” but when I said “mahadlok” again, the other part of myself telling me “ahh, dili diay mi amigo”. It was a funny thing of the past but I know it affect me for who I am today in relation to my faith and the maturity of my reason. Simply because “fear” was something I understood about my parents way of discipline. They always kept telling me that I should have feared them because if not it means I don't have respect for them. This childhood experienced was so critical in forming one's capacity to look at things. Childhood is a very delicate stage of one's development, if one child experience traumatic event at the early stage of his life it would create big impact later in his life.
In this perspective, many of our false images of God seem to originate in immaturities of one kind or another. Many of them, as we have seen, can be transferences from childhood vulnerability. Again, it must be the responsibility of our parents to mold us into a person of worth and value.

STEP 5 HEARTS HUNGER


I heard a story of Titus Salt, a factory boy in England. He began his life very poor. A hard work and inventive mind, he developed something that led him to become the wealthiest man in England and because of that Queen Victoria made him a baron. In spite of his achievements, he felt no satisfaction. One day, he heard a preacher that tells the story about the caterpillar, how it climbs a painted stick, which had been stuck, into the ground as a decoration. The caterpillar slowly climbed to the top of the stick then reared itself, feeling this way to further progress. However, the caterpillar was disappointed. Groping about, it found nothing. Slowly it returned to the ground, crawling along until it reached another painted stick and did the same thing all over again. This happened several times. There are many painted sticks in the world, said the preacher. There are the painted sticks of pleasure, of wealth, of power, of fame, etc. All this call to us and say, “climb me and you will find the desire of your heart”. Nevertheless, the preacher continued, “they are only painted sticks”. The next day, Titus Salt, the baron of England visited the preacher and said, “Sir, I was in your congregation last night and heard what you said about the painted sticks. I have to tell you that I have been climbing them and today I am a weary man. Tell me, is there rest for someone like me? The preacher had the joy of pointing to the One who once said, “Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.”
The lesson of the story tells us that nothing in the world can satisfy our human hunger, our thirst will continue if we keep longing for material things. This painted sticks that comes in our life is very enticing and may persuade us from what is true and genuine. Only in God, we may become whole and complete.
When I read stories of the many great achivers of all time, such as, Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe, the inventor of Kodak and so many others, whose common denominator was all of them committed suicide. Success was already in their palm; fame, prestige, money, power, etc. Nevertheless, the big question lies why they end up their life in committing suicide in a very tragic way. Kurt Cobain, the lead guitarist of nirvana committed suicide at the helms of his popularity. Marilyn Monroe, the hottest sex-goddess of her time at the peak also of her popularity ended her life. These were two of the many noted personalities who decided to take their own lives in spite of their achievements. I may do not have the right to assess or investigate the reasons and yet, personally it was an event worth-reflecting. Since, many of our people, traveling of the same path. The desire to achieve many things in life, money, power, fame, etc. Were the same ingredients of their motivation to work extra hard even to the point of stepping other’s rights and privileges and sacrifices so many things in wrong way. Sad to say, but it is the reality, the trend that happening in our society today. Our single women are courageously wiling to get engage with foreigners even with out knowing or seeing the person they engaged with, for the desire of financial security and to help their family in order to get out of this worsening poverty situation.
Many people feel something of the same restlessness in different ways and it can be one of the most fruitful pointers in our journey towards faith. Like St. Augustine, myself too, struggled with my insatiable desire of many things. I wanted many things, I engaged myself into many different situations, in the hope of fulfilling my worldly ambitions, yet, I never become complete. It was an exhausting journey, of going nowhere, I did many things and yet I do not know where to go. It was emptiness, a level of thirst that is never met by “passing things”. As I have mentioned, in my previous reflection, the experience of abundance in terms of worldly excitements, barkadas, vices. But in the end it can never satisfy my whole self, there’s always something inside of me that long for something that the material world can’t provide. There is always a feeling of unfulfilled, a space left void that left me wondering. Only now that I recognize that the missing piece is God, it was Him who made my life complete.




































Step 6 Wondering Mind


Some people think too much. Whatever the subject, they break it down, disassemble it, weight it, measure it categorize it and then discuss it. Even their ideas and beliefs are dissected this way. People who think too much prefer complicated beliefs, ones that can analyzed endlessly. In fact, this is unfortunately how they select their beliefs. They believe that thinking is more important than the truth. Overly intellectual person miss a lot. They see pieces but not the whole. However, in the case of Saint Thomas Aquinas, he created a ladder of logic to God. His exploration to the metaphysical realm, the proof of the divine existence is rooted in the spirit of wonder, wonder about everything. His philosophy start always from the real world and this become his springboard for deep reflection. He believe that the human mind could arrive at certainty about God’s existence, he tries to use the human abilities to the full in seeking answers to the big and complicated questions about life and God. Sense of wonder and his curiosity plays significant role in his approach of knowing and encountering a living God. As what emphasized by Michael Gallagher (author of Free to believe) in a simple exercise which illustrates the level of curiosity and wonder by holding up our hand and gazing it for at least a minute. We notice the strange and beautiful shape of many things, from the lines, circles and marvelous organization that allows us to contemplate and lead us into the realms of wonderment and curiosity. Wonderment is guide. If we allow it, it will teach us more than anyone will and anything ever could. Wonderment is a life force. If we give it a room, it will lead us wisely. All that we need to know is there waiting for us. But we must be open to it. We have to accept the fact that if we allow ourselves to learn new information, we may have to change. People committed to staying tha same are incapable of learning. Those are open to the changes that learning can bring who are led to where they really belong. However, we can do even better. To accept new information is certainly healthy. The path to our vision, however, becomes, even straighter when the openness turns to desire. Desire makes one an active searcher. What was a willingness to learn is now a love of learning.
Curiosity and wonderment are part of our being human. From the moment we begin to speak, questions of how, what, why’s are always mention and ask to our parents. As a child, I myself too, tend to ask many questions concerning mostly from the very ordinary things. However, when I grew older, shyness seems to dwell on me and began to take control of myself. What was in my mind then, that asking questions is a work of ignorance. This false belief haunts me until this moment of my life. I felt shame to ask question in the class because of this erratic presumption, which is not actually healthy.
Like St. Augustine and St. Thomas, I too, have my own journey of faith to share. Before entering into religious life, four years ago, I cannot remember myself value the beauty of nature, animals or even important things happen in my life that in one way or another created impact for who I am today. During my first year living in a religious life, admittedly, it was a year of struggles, a period of adjustment; nevertheless, happiness that I have experienced overshadowed the pain. Only then, I recalled a very significant story of my vocation, when I encountered the overwhelming beauty of nature. To think about nature is unsurpassable. It is identified with so much symbolism of the things that I can see around, especially that, which captures my eyes in the horizon. I can feel the cool breeze that touches my warm skin; I can see from afar the edge and the peak of the green-filled tall mountains and hills, the shiny-smiling face of the calm sea or its horizon, which connects the unbounded scenery of the earth and the heavens. These are just few, among the many insurmountable, vast abode of nature which, only in silence that I can find myselves present in it. Just as my experience of god is naturally felt, not in a very spectacular way but rather as it expresses itself, in a very human and natural manner. I reiterate nature also includes god. I take on this account as my personal conviction or assumption. My experience of god, may not be visible as though he would appear and reveal himself to me. It is the experience of the very natural consequences of life.





































Step 7 “CALLS OF CONSCIENCE”

“Never stifle conscience, for when it speaks you are in the path of danger, only when you are safe it is silent, yet none the less watchful unsleeping. Never try to displace that judge who never loses his seat, but sits moment by moment weighing every thought and act in balance’
- Edward Clod

An Indian once asked a white man to give him some tobacco for his pipe. The man gave him a loose handful from his pocket. The next day the Indian came back and asked for the white man. He said, “I found a quarter of dollar among the tobacco”. “Why don’t you keep it?” asked a person standing by. “I’ve got a good man and a bad man here.” Said the Indian pointing to him, and the good one say, “It is not yours, give it back to the owner,” while the bad man say “never mind, you got it and it is yours now.” The good man again replied, “No, no, no! You must not keep it.” So I didn’t know what to do, I thought to go to sleep, but the good man and the bad man kept talking all night and troubled me and now when I bring the money back, I feel good.
Jesus Christ guide man to God, by means of his conscience. Conscience in man is like an inner source of light and an organ of sight. According to Christ words we must be very attentive to the promptings of our conscience, for on this depends the inner truth of every man.
If I am true to my calling, I may disappoint a few critics along the way. Following a calling is a journey in honesty. I may not be acceptable to some. But with my eyes on my goal may realize that critics are usually only distractions. Living honestly means living with the conviction that I am not going to live anyone’s life. I am honest with the world and honest with myself. I am committed to what is right and make the contributions I have been asked to make. This is the cry of my conscience. As what many scholars said, conscience is the voice of God. It does not tell us something destructive and not good for others and for our self. This new springboard for the credibility of faith for Gallagher greatly emphasized the experience of conscience and its struggles.
Take for instance, the case of Carl Jung, one of the most influential psychiatrists who ever lived. Jung, spent most of his career teaching that we all have a guide that lives within us; conscience. He said that if we listen to the voice of our conscience, we will be lead to our purpose in life. He felt that the conscience is most often heard through prayer and meditation. If we develop an ear for our conscience, we will come to know our place in the universe.
Another virtue that will come up after our conscience polished with our previous experiences is commitment. When we already develop an eye to see the real situations and an ear to hear the cry of our people then, we will become more committed. Being emphatically aware of our surroundings, especially the events that crippled one’s faith, our conscience encourage us to become not just only passive observer but an active participative agent of our society. Even to the point of forgetting our own selves for the concerns of others, especially the marginalized, oppressed, deprived and to the people who really suffer that need our help. This will be an experience of conscience at its deepest level, emerging from drifting into commitment through the awakening of love. Personally, I am deeply motivated when I saw and heard stories of martyrs and saints, who offered their life for the benefit of others. Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Mother Theresa of Calcutta, etc. People who altered the course of history, all identified a time in their lives when they felt called upon to fulfill a great mission. Each in his own way came to recognize the source of this guidance and all of them followed their conscience.
With my dream that I may too become committed to offer my life until its very end, so help me god!








































STEP 8 THE EXPERIENCE OF SPIRIT

One day is much like another in the spiritual life, in the search for God. However, from time to time there is a sudden, unexpected revelation or shining forth of God. You suddenly realize that God is everywhere, in everything and in everyone. Call it insight, epiphany, baptism in the spirit or any other name, it is the same experience. The God within me reveals His presence, fleetingly and all the rest of my days are change permanently. Something happens that I did not merit and that I cannot explain or communicate. Nevertheless, it is more real than any communicable experience and I cannot formulate it or capture its words. For to do so would be to have some hold on God, who cannot be captured in a phrase or formula. Nor can I remember it, recapture the experience. It is a grace, it is a gift. The spirit blows where it will.
-Murray Bodo
I have read somewhere about an old sculptor who had, among many other pieces of work in his workshop, the model of a beautiful cathedral. It was covered with the dust of years and nobody admired it, although it was an exact model, inside and out of a fine cathedral.. One day the old attendant place a light inside the model and it gleams shone through the beautiful stained glass windows. Then all stopped to admire its beauty. The change that was wrought by the light within was marvelous.
It is so with us all. We must have the light within. Thus, with the presence of the spirit in our lives brought light in us.
“Sometimes even when reading, I would unexpectedly experience a consciousness of the presence of God, of such a kind I could never doubt that He was within me, that I felt completely engulfed in Him. The soul seems to be completely outside itself. The will loves. The memory I think, is almost, while the understanding does not work to reason, it is amazed at the extent of all it can understand.(St. Teresa of Avila)
God is something out of our comprehension, the supernaturality of His existence is very difficult to be proven but our experience is louder than the voice of our reason. God truly present in everywhere in every time but because of man’s busy life, we find it harder to recognize Him. Many would say, silence and prayer is the best door in which we can enter God’s world. Like the model of the beautiful cathedral, without the presence of light inside it, we can never admire its beauty. As well as St. Teresa of Avila, without the presence of Spirit which she experienced in her prayer life, she can never witnessed the “depths of spirit”
This harmonious inner awakening is characterized by a sense of joy and mental illumination that brings with it an insight into the meaning and purpose of life; it dispels many doubts, offers the solution to many problems and gives an inner source of security. At the same time there, I realized that life is one and outpouring of love flows through the awakening individual towards his fellow beings and the whole creation. The former individual personality, with its sharp edges and disagreeable traits seems to have receded into the background and a new loving and lovable individual smiles at us and the whole world, eager to be kind, to serve and to share his newly acquired spiritual riches, the abundance of which seems to him almost too much to contain. This is how the Holy Spirit inspires the individual, that others may call it a “chance encounters”.

STEP 9 CHRIST ENCOUNTER


“It is because we know so much about Jesus that we perhaps understand too little. It is as if the transfiguration and resurrection have made us ignorant of the real importance of Jesus human experience. God’s involvement with human kind is physically evident in this Jesus whom we have recognized and called the Christ. God humankind inextricably joined throughout human history. Jesus presence reveals that this includes us all. For we have been called to live out our live in the presence of one another, by a God who had pledged himself to live out his own life in our presence. An awesome thought, always unknown to the world’s spiritualisms, with far-reaching consequences for all of humankind.”
-Eamonn Bredin

Before we examine Jesus word, let us reflect on how we think about Jesus. I would like to try an exercise with you. Think for a moment; what is your image of Jesus Christ when you pray, when you dwell on Jesus, who is Jesus. Do you have a picture, an idea, an image of Him? These questions raised on us by our retreat master in one of our 1-week retreat, held here in Cagayan, during our novitiate formation. Four novices, coming from the community of Third Order Regular of Saint Francis of Assisi, known as Franciscan TOR. Reflecting back on that particular journey of my religious life, the moment when guilt struck on me, when I was ashamed to admit that I had difficulties figuring an image of Jesus. In spite of my effort then, to dwell more on my reflection, seriously nothing comes to my mind. It’s not because I have not yet encountered any knowledge about Him but because I want a perfect and correct image of Him, maybe a sort of preoccupation to pleased my retreat master. I invited solitude and murmur some prayers and in the middle of my stillness and yet peace was not on my side. I felt disturbed due to my increasing anxieties that how could I able to share my picture, image and experience of Jesus in my prayer, the fact that it was all complexities of my thoughts.
Until I reached a point of exhaustion and led me to surrender, I was so tired thinking and manipulating my intellect and just to arrive of an ideal picture of Jesus. Yes, I felt submerged and broke me into tears. Tears fallen as if it would be my last time to cry, I cried not because I am exhausted and tired but because of my shame. It was unfortunately fortunate moment of my retreat, unfortunate because I cried my heart out and I thought I couldn’t have any idea of Jesus, which simply means I have not yet known who truly Jesus is in my life, fortunate because only then, I felt like a baby again carried by a loving, comforting and rest assured mother’s arm. A very comforting situation, like there was a lightning that struck my mind and gave restful assurance, and I felt light again. Yes, it was a purification process on my part and for the first time I was at peace. It was an ecstatic experienced, like Jesus make Himself known to me. That was one of my unforgettable experiences…
That event of my life, I could say it was really an encounter of Jesus Christ…




STEP 10 DOWN AND OUT



“Dear friends, let us love one another, fro love comes from god. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows god. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed His love among us. God sent His only begotten son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love, not that we loved God, but that God loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice fro our sins. We love because God first love us. If anyone says, “I love God”, yet he hates one’s brother and sister, that one is a liar. For anyone who does not love one’s brother or sister, whom we have seen how much more to love God whom we cannot seen. Moreover, God has given this command. Whoever loves God also love their brother and sister.
1John 7:10, 19-21)

Not surprisingly, whenever we talk about our response to God’s love, we similarly use all-encompassing language. Jesus tells us that we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, our whole mind and our whole soul (Mt.22:37-39). God expects nothing less and the tradition echoes that complete offering whether in the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi or Ignatius of Loyola’s (offering of oneself) prayer. Any response to the all-embracing love of God must be exhaustively comprehensive as the offer itself.
This last step of faith is the very crucial moment of any roads toward faith. The conflict of this tenth step comes from avoiding the pain of experiencing our deep frailty. However, to risk that encounter can open the long-locked doors into the great possibility of faith. Faith presupposes love and love presupposes risk. The risk of loving is the most concrete manifestation of our growing faith. Faith to be mature must undergo pain, pain of rejection and discouragement. Love requires strong faith since; love encompasses all, even to the person whom you don’t like to love.
Faith does not end after we recognize Christ presence in our life. It is a life-long journey, believers may become unbeliever and non-believers may become believer. Mostly it depends on the course of events happen in our every path of life. It happened already to some of our ancestors and it may happen again if we ourselves allow it. Faith has it personal aspect, we are entitled for our own, whether we work for the good and maturity of it or not.
One time in our postulancy formation, my brother and I had a little misunderstanding. And this little misunderstanding led into a great confrontation. Since that event we became isolated to each other, even to the point of sitting beside each other was already a burden to both of us. We are not comfortable talking, listening and being together. I was afflicted and I believed he also felt the same way. Until one day, I prayed hard for our reconciliation. Thus, I began to show my concern for him, by showing my own little way of care. It was really hard, for I know with out the help of God I can’t do that to him. Then my brother recognized my actions, little by little our gap was hailed. Until we really find time to talked our problem heart to heart and gave forgiveness to each other. That was a great experienced of love, love that can surpass one’s limitations and frailties, it was out love that our relationship comes to life again.
The value of our faith is harness and polish by our own experiences in life especially in loving without exceptions.

fides10

STEP 1: FROM FALSE TO TRUE SELF

“Accepting our less-than-perfect selves is one of those big hurdles that need to be faced in order to mature in spiritual path. While it is essential for us to continually grow into more loving persons, it is equally important for us to value and accept who we are.”
-Joyce Rupp
A human being is like a coin that has always its two sides. But not like coins that have no senses or feelings to hide those difficult-to-accept or unlikable sides. We, human beings, succumb to trickeries and deceptions. As much as possible we want to keep our false self or our difficult-to-accept sides. The most difficult things to accept are the existence of our false self. We keep ourselves busy in order to hide our false self. But, the truth, though it hurts will set us free. The significant reality that helps us to grow and to discover our true self is accepting our less-than-perfect selves. To grow in awareness of the flux that is within us, the conflict of our moods. It is an inner battle or mood war that we must undergo to liberate ourselves from our inner prison to emerge into the freedom of truer self.
Living in a religious life for almost 4 years now, inner struggle plays an important part of my journey. Surpassing one after the other is an experience of great leap for my emotional and spiritual growth. They are there for a reason, not to ruin my vocation or my whole self, but an opportunity for me to discover and see the other part of myself, particularly how to manage and to stand up after this period of trials. Knowingly and consciously, I’ve been experiencing such struggles of two opposing forces of myself. Doing things which I do not like to do and what I want to do can never happen. It is just a simple manifestation of how these two opposing forces dwell in me and oftentimes so difficult to deal with. Nonetheless, it helps me a lot to develop more simplicity and humility in life. To be humble enough to recognize my false self is like a door opening to my true self.
This first step to believe enlightens and gives me courage to accept and to know more about my false self. It serves later, as a foundation of my journey to true self.
To learn to be at peace with my infirmities, to cope severely with burdens of a crowded life, and to establish a solid foundation in my journey to religious life and a great opportunity to grow my faith.
“Making friends with your shadow helps facilitate your acceptance of your self as a less-than-perfect human being. We have a dark side, we are not all light”…






STEP 2: SEEING THROUGH THE SYSTEM

“Psychic environmental factors affect our way of being or responding to things. Psychic factors maintain that my parents and the way they brought me up essentially laid out my tendencies and emotional and character structure. Environmental factors say that superiors, classmates, the political and economic situation of the country are also responsible for my situation.”
-Parker Palmer
Humanity today is greatly influenced by the power of the established system. First, there is the persuasion of the media, particularly in the advertisement field, where almost every commercial shown on television focus largely on sexual seduction. Even the promotion of the simple toothpaste brand involves man and woman’s intimacy. Through this commercials, slowly they inculcate in the mind of the viewers the wrong values. Tacitly, it influences us, our behavior, perceptions and even our way of life. Secondly, in the field of politics. Political arena is another medium that could influence people’s point of view, character and way of being and responding to things. The politicians responsibility is to look after the good and the betterment of his people, help them to uplift their living, give enough housing, job and wages to live life in a decent way. But what is happening is the contrary. Politicians are no longer concerned what their people but for themselves, cronies and their family alone. They are no longer there to serve the people but for the people to served these politicians. Problems in our political system are very rampant, such as cronyism, bureaucratic red-tape, nepotism, graft and corrupt practices. There were just few of the many scandals encountered by our politicians. These problems already become a system of our government. Moreover, it is happening in all levels (national and barangay level). Its truly been a part of our system.
Sad to say, but it’s the truth! As far as step 1 is concerned, we are encouraged not to deny or hide this infirmities of our society but to face it, and develop counter-actions. This is a matter of seeing through the system, to know thy enemy and courageously fight. This is what faith is all about, giving us hope that after this earthly battle, the grand event will soon follow. To move towards mature faith today, one may need to suspect some forces of falsity installed by the driving seat of the society around us.
“We are product of the people who loved us and those who did not love us. Our growth is influenced by our situation. If we grew up in a loving situation, we become loving. Hostility calls for the same actuations”.







STEP 3: ESCAPING FORM THE WRONG QUESTION


“Once there were friends arguing about God’s existence; the astronaut and the brain surgeon. The astronaut is an atheist. He did not believe God exists. His arguments are based on his profession and his experience. “God is merely a speculation, He is falsity”. He continues, “Of my thirty (30) years in profession, many times I traveled back and forth to the universe. I have gone to the moon, to the other planets but God is nowhere to be found, not even his shadow and his angels. Therefore, God is just a figment one’s imagination; God did not exist in reality but only in the mind of his believers”. His brain surgeon friend calmly answered his claims, “In the 40 years of my service as brain surgeon, many times I open the brain for operation, male and female, children and adults but for those many occasions I haven’t seen a single thought even a single word in their brain but I believe it is there and it exist”. And the astronaut began to ponder…”
Like in the story, many times my faith have been tested and even shaken by my own experiences in life, “people I’ve met and the situations I engaged in. “Faith is a natural impossibility, a miracle grace, a sheer of gift from God for which one can only ask on one’s knees”. Faith has its own reason more than our mind can offer. Since it is a relationship between the believer and God, it is more personal and intimate. Before one can have faith in God, one must first escape from the wrong question.
I remember when I was a kid, my parents regularly brought me and my sister to the cathedral for Sunday Masses. Tacitly, I acquired faith through what they did for us with my sister. Nevertheless, when I reached high school, I became hard headed. I tried to insist on what I want. I could no longer attend Sunday celebration, since I’m so busy with my friends and vices. Yes, I engaged in vices such as, smoking, drinking and even drugs abuse at my early age. Until it became a part of my routine. I thought, then, that it was what freedom is all about. To be free to do what I want and like. Only later did I realize that it was a wrong notion of freedom, it was a hedonistic lifestyle. Even during my college days, my vices continued and it became worst until I came to a point of nowhere. I felt so exhausted, disgusted and realized that this is not the life that I am looking for. I wanted to end the darkest chapter of my life, with my little knowledge about how to be able to clean all the mess and be able to start life anew. But many times I failed. In spite of those failures, I was not hopeless, until I woke up one day realizing it was God who was the lacking piece of my desire to change. Truly, my abilities, strength and willingness alone could not help me to stand firm. Rather it was my thru acceptance of my frailties that I recognized God’s saving help. My personal experience helped me to develop my faith and love God even more. Nevertheless, it is not yet the end of my life. The battle continues, so help me God…